


Butter watch out!

by chidoriXblossom



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 13:59:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19252615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chidoriXblossom/pseuds/chidoriXblossom
Summary: Word prompt challenge crack fic. When Gordon and Alan ask John to teach them how to cook eggs, the subject of butter and Virgil's tastes make for a random and chaotic morning.





	Butter watch out!

**Author's Note:**

> A word prompt challenge given to me by Gumnut.  
> The prompt was the word "butter" and the challenge was to write a single scene with a maximum word count of 1500. I just snuck in at 1489 lol.

Alan and Gordon were in a bit of a pickle.

It was eleven in the morning, neither of them had eaten yet, and nobody was around to cook for them.  Kayo was out with Grandma for a walk around the island, Brains and Max were away at a seminar in Tokyo, Scott was on a morning run and Virgil was… Well, they weren’t entirely sure on that last one.

Either still in his bed, which was pretty normal, or down in Thunderbird Two’s hangar.  The green ship had sustained some damage the previous day and Virgil was eager to get it repaired while they had a little downtime.

What mattered was that no one else was there.  That was a problem, because between the two of them Gordon and Alan had absolutely no idea how to cook eggs.

Alan scratched at his head.  “Maybe we should just go for the cooking module or have cereal?” he suggested to Gordon.  “I don’t really know how this hot plate works.”

Gordon looked aghast.  “No way! Where’s your Tracy sense of adventure?  Between the two of us we can figure it out.”

He went to a cupboard and pulled out a large pan.  “Fetch something to put in this before the eggs.”

“Huh?”

“You know, like oil or whatever it is that people use.”

“Uh, okay?”  Alan ventured to a wall unit where he found a bottle of cooking oil.  A small spray bottle was standing beside it. Unsure, the youngest brother grabbed them both and set them on the counter.  He then went to the fridge and took out a tub of butter.

“This do?” he asked, placing all three items together.  “I don’t know which is best.”

Gordon had a look.  “Eh, we’ll come to that.”  He set the pan on the hot plate and went about trying to turn it on.

At that moment the holodisk on the counter flickered to life and John’s image appeared.  “What are you two doing?”

“Johnny!” Gordon cheered.  “Finally, a brother who can cook.”  Gordon gestured to the hot plate and pan.  “Help us out, bro. We’re wanting eggs on toast but we need some help.”

John shook his head in dismay.  “Are you telling me you can’t cook a few eggs?”

Gordon scowled.  “I take after Grandma, okay.  Now, less judging, more instructing.”  He waved his arm at the pan.

“Can’t you ask Scott or Virgil?” John pleaded.

“Scott’s out on his run and we’re not feeling brave enough to look for Virgil yet,” Alan piped up.  “You know what he’s like before his morning coffee.”

A heavy sigh from John.  “All right, just this once.  And you’d better pay attention.”

A couple of salutes from the two youngest Tracys and the impromptu cooking lesson began.

“First off, you need a different pan.  There’s a black one under the hot plate that is a non stick one.  Get that. The one you’ve got is a ribbed pan for steak.”

While Gordon grumbled and went about swapping pans Alan lifted the bottle of oil and butter.  “If it’s non stick then can I put all this away?”

“Leave it out,” John suggested.  “I make a habit of coating the pan first, regardless.  Are you just cooking for yourselves of for everyone else?”

The two younger brothers glanced at each other.  “We’ll try for everyone,” Gordon decided.

John nodded.  “In that case you need a second pan.  Virgil only uses the spray oil.”

“Eh?” from Gordon.

“Why?” Alan asked.

“He’s not a fan of the regular cooking oil and he hates the taste of butter on eggs,” John explained, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Gordon pulled a face.  “He doesn’t like butter?”  There was definite judging in his tone.  

“With eggs,” John clarified.  “So don’t put any on his toast.”

“Dry toast?!”  It was Alan’s turn to disapprove.  “That’s so wrong! Who eats dry toast willingly?”

“I always knew Virgil was a weirdo,” Gordon grumbled.  “Why’s he have to make my life awkward?”

“What was that?”  The voice came from behind.  A much deeper tone than John’s.

The two youngest flinched, then turned in unison to look over their shoulders.  Virgil was standing just inside the kitchen, looking a little bedraggled with grease on his hands, a smudge on his cheek and his clothes in need of a good wash.

Apparently repairs to Thunderbird Two had taken precedence over him getting any sleep, and as a result he looked grumpy as hell.

Gordon was the first to find his voice.  “Oh, morning, sunshine. We’re just judging you for being weird and not liking butter.”

Virgil’s scowl turned puzzled.

“With eggs,” John clarified yet again.  

Virgil grunted and wiped his hands with a rag from his pocket.  “And that makes me a weirdo, because why?”

“Because you can’t have eggs on toast without butter,” Gordon insisted.  

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you can’t,” Alan argued.

“Why not?”

“It’s a crime against nature, that’s why.”  Alan was getting very animated.

“It’s disgusting,” Virgil responded.

Gordon frowned.  “So are you right now.  Go take a shower, grease goblin!”

Virgil ignored the insult and stalked over to the coffee maker.  He glanced at John. “You’re letting them play in here?”

“I’m giving them a cooking lesson,” John explained.  “Teaching them how to fry eggs. That’s how the butter debate came up.”

A snort from Virgil and he fumbled for a mug.  “Teaching these two to cook? Are you _trying_ to poison me?”

“Oh, I don’t need John’s help to do that,” Alan claimed.

Virgil rolled his eyes.  “True. You’re as bad as Grandma.”

Alan scowled.  As bad as Grandma?  That was a low blow!  No way he was letting that one go.  So as Virgil started up the coffee machine the youngest Tracy stomped over to the counter and grabbed the butter.  

He scooped out a decent sized lump with a spoon, marched back over to his grumpy older brother and shoved it down the back of Virgil’s neck.

The result was immediate. Virgil nearly contorted as he felt something gross slide down his spine, and Alan was wise to back up a few steps.  Butter on hot sweaty skin was a disgusting combination it seemed, soaking into clothing and leaving a horrible greasy sensation in its wake.

With a furious snarl the second eldest Tracy bent over and ripped both his shirts off violently over his head, revealing the now tiny lump of unmelted butter nestled quite comfortably at the base of his spine by the waist of his jeans.  The rest of it was smeared all over him.

John stared.  Gordon didn’t know whether to laugh or hide.  Alan smirked triumphantly.

“That’s what you get for being a jerk.”

Virgil rounded on him like a wild animal set loose from its cage.  “You little brat!”

The kitchen erupted into chaos as Virgil charged.  Alan let out a shriek and scarpered, nearly crashing into Gordon who hopped onto the counter to get out the way.  Alan was smaller and more agile, but Virgil was a force of nature and he powered after his little brother.

Alan tried to slide across the kitchen table to put some space between them, but it backfired when he tripped and tumbled to the floor.  He barely had time to get back on his feet before Virgil was upon him, two strong arms wrapping around him in a firm grip that was impossible to escape from.

“Eww, you’re all greasy!  Get off!” Alan exclaimed, flailing and kicking his legs as Virgil hauled him up off the floor.

Scott chose that moment to return from his run and stepped up into the kitchen.  “What in the world is going on?”

“Out the way.”  And Virgil was marching past their eldest sibling, half naked and murderous, with an armful of struggling Alan.  He reached the edge of the concrete which dropped down towards the pool and turned side on.

“No, no, no!  Not in the pool!”  Alan yelled.

Virgil smirked and tipped sideways.

_Thawumph!_

The resulting splash was loud and sent fat drops of water flying up onto the concrete as the water swallowed up the Thunderbird Two and Three pilots.

Scott peered over the edge in time to see Alan surface and start yelling insults, before getting dunked again by a vengeful Virgil.

Scott turned and sent a bewildered look towards Gordon, who was nearly wetting himself with laughter.  “Why?”

“Because Virgil doesn’t like butter,” Gordon grinned, still sniggering and breathless.  “Oh, that was classic.”

Scott still looked totally clueless so John spoke up.  “I have the whole thing recorded, Scott,” the space monitor reported with a small smile of his own.  “I’ll show you later. In the meantime you’d better make Virgil some coffee before he decides to drown Alan.”

Virgil’s eggs were cooked in a second pan without butter from that day on.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never really written a crack fic before, so I hope I did the challenege justice. Also, coming up with a sound effect for Virgil and Alan hitting the water was funny lol.
> 
> If you enjoyed this I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I'll likely be asking for more word prompt challenges for Thunderbirds Are Go in future :)


End file.
